Republican Vice-Presidential Candidate--My Prognostication

The New York Times published an article today about their sense of the leading candidates for the job of Mitt Romney's Vice-presidential running mate. They got a lot of it right. No women, no African Americans, a token Hispanic and Asian--and a bunch of White guys. Here is my down and dirty take on the contestants.

#1) Chris Christy is FAT. Mormons are NOT fat. Mormon's see obesity as a moral failure. He is not liked in New Jersey, his participation in the ticket will not bring New Jersey's 15 electoral votes to the Republicans. He will not win re-eelction there. His 15 minutes are UP. NO WAY

#2) Bobby Jindall is crazy. He's not white. Louisiana only has 10 electorial votes and they are 90% already in the Red Column. Did I mention, Bobby Jindall is not white. NO WAY

#3) Tim Pawlenty is a quitter. He let a bridge fall in his state. Minnesota only has 10 electorial votes. He offers NOTHING to the ticket that the ticket needs. NO WAY

#4) Marco Rubio is a closet Mormon--two mormons on the ticket? No fucking way! However, Florida is a very important state, so he was carefully vetted--and they have found something in this pretty boy's history that he thinks isn't important, but they think is pure poison. He is so far off the list. NO WAY

#5) John Thune who? NO WAY

So now the serious candidates!

#6) First runner-up: Paul Ryan. Wisconsin is a state that the Repulicans lust after. Governor Scott's survival from his recall has given them hope for another strategy to secure that state. They don't need Ryan any more, but Romney really likes him. Paul knows how to tickle Mitt's G-spot (that's govenoring-spot you perv!). 40% chance. MAYBE

#7) Bob McDonnell of Virginia. Virginia is an important swing state, however, the demographics of the states have continued to make it very much more blue. In the Republican primary there Romney only had to defeat Ron Paul, yet he lost both Northern VA and the military strong hold of the Norfolk/Portsmouth/Virginia Beach southeast region. He only took Richmond by a hair thin margin. This is not your Papaw's Virginia. I'm not saying it's not possible or even a good idea for Romney to pick McDonnell, but I don't see it happening. 50 % chance. MAYBE

#8) Rob Portman. Ohio likes the guy. He's a solid conservative. He's an evangelical Christian from one of the most middling conservative traditions in the country. He speaks evangelicalism with a serpent's tongue and his paring with a Mormon would go a long way to ameliorate conservative Christian abhorrence of a "satanic" Mormon candidate. Remember, to Evangelical Christians who are serious about their faith, Mormonism is a CULT. MY PICK