Showing posts with label Ticklebox Repair. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ticklebox Repair. Show all posts
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Sunday, June 09, 2013
Tickle Box Repair #4
A little boy in a church notices a series of placards along the wall of the sanctuary with names on them. He asks the Rector who they are.
The Priest said, "There are the names of the people who have died in the service."
The boy hesitates then askes, "Was it the 9:00 o'clock or the 11:00 o'clock service?"
Tickle Box Repair #3
(Retold after hearing it from the TED radio hour as told by the guy who wrote all the pixar movies (Toy Story to Monsters Inc. to Finding Nemo)
A visitor walks into an Irish pub along the coast on a rainy afternoon and noticed that there's just one other patron. A dower looking man nursing a pint. He sits down beside him and the man says to the stranger," You see this bar here? I built this bar. Top to bottom every single detail is my handy work! But do they call me McGregor-the-Bar-Builder? No."
He then indicated a photo of a farm house surrounded by a stone wall hanging behind the bar and said, "You see that photograph? D'ja know who built that stone fence in it? I built it. One sorry stone upon the other until they all fit perfectly, but do they call me McGregor-the-Fence-Builder? No."
Turning to the window that looked out upon the cove, he said, "And look ye there! You see that pier? I built that pier, too. Sunk every one of the pylons, framed 'em up I did and laid each one of the planks. Most times on rainy days like this one and worse, I tell you! But do they call me McGregor-the-Pier-Builder?"
"NO!" he shouted, and after taking another sip of ale, continued, "But fuck one goat....."
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Sunday Funnies #20
Ten Questions Linguists and Logicians Like to Ponder:
1) Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
2) Why is it called "tourist season" if we can't shoot at them?
3) If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
4) If you ate both pasta AND antipasto, would you still be hungry?
5) When the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to talk?
6) Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might attempt to clean them?
7) If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
8) If humans evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
9) When a deaf child swears, does his or her mother wash his or her hands with soap?
10) When someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill him- or herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
1) Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
2) Why is it called "tourist season" if we can't shoot at them?
3) If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
4) If you ate both pasta AND antipasto, would you still be hungry?
5) When the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to talk?
6) Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might attempt to clean them?
7) If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
8) If humans evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
9) When a deaf child swears, does his or her mother wash his or her hands with soap?
10) When someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill him- or herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
YouTube Strikes, Again!
My dear friend J. from my Kentucky days turned me on to this series on YouTube. Tavin Dillard is a sort of slightly more lucid Boomhower from "King of the Hill" fame. He spins a little tale from time to time and they are archived on YouTube. Admittedly, some are funnier than others; and this tail of the love of butter is a wonderful example of Joel Berry's comic gifts.....
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Ticklebox Repair #3
A young man had an overpowering feeling that he was becoming a moth. One evening he told his doctor about this.
His doctor replied, "Son, I'm only a general practicioner. You ought to see a psychologist about this."
"I was on my way to a psychologist," said the young man. "And then I noticed that your light was on......."
His doctor replied, "Son, I'm only a general practicioner. You ought to see a psychologist about this."
"I was on my way to a psychologist," said the young man. "And then I noticed that your light was on......."
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Ticklebox Repair
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, Republicans don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in airport men's rooms!
None, Republicans don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in airport men's rooms!
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Ticklebox Repair #2
Loved this joke!
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
A Little Special Tuesday
Dear Hearts, it's a special Tuesday! I found a cache of videos of Stephen Lynch on YouTube and I'm sharing some of his rare and amazing comedy with you! Enjoy.
PB ~ If the download stops. Press the pause button and give it a few seconds to load before resuming the cast. You can gage the time you'll need by the growth of the red bar at the bottom of the view screen. Trust me, it's worth the wait!
PB ~ If the download stops. Press the pause button and give it a few seconds to load before resuming the cast. You can gage the time you'll need by the growth of the red bar at the bottom of the view screen. Trust me, it's worth the wait!
Friday, October 06, 2006
Fishy Story!
You know the guy on the right, it's Republican (psuedo-President) George Bush, and the guy on the left is Republican (psuedo-Heterosexual) Representative Mark Foley of Florida. Now do you know what they are saying to one another? Neither to do I! But just imagine with me, if you will.....
"You're fucking me!"
"Naw, I swear! That kid's cock was 14 inches long--soft!"
'Wow! Where's he from?"
"Texas! Hell, everything's bigger in Texas!"
"You're fucking me!"
"Naw, I swear! That kid's cock was 14 inches long--soft!"
'Wow! Where's he from?"
"Texas! Hell, everything's bigger in Texas!"
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Ticklebox Repair #1
I have an abominable memory for jokes. Generally I enjoy them, but I just can't remember them. My Colorado cousin Fwd a funny little joke to me today and, to return the favor I transcribed one of only two jokes I have ever been able to memorize in my life. I do not remember who told it to me, and God knows I've embellished it over the years. Hopefully, you'll enjoy it, too.
JOKE #1
In a bar along the coastal highway in southern California the bartender looks up and sees a stranger enter. He's obviously a drifter.
He steps up to the bar and orders a drink, which the bartender delivers. No sooner is the glass on the bar, than the stranger empties it in one gulp and asks for another.
Well, given the fact that the bartender doesn't know the man, and because he's seen his type before, he asks the man to pay for the first drink before he'll get him a second.
The stranger replies that he doesn't have any money.
"I knew it," declares the bartender, "Hit the road!"
But the man protests saying, "I do have something of value!" Where upon he reaches into his knap sack and retrieves a perfectly formed miniature grand piano, which he places on the bar. The bartender's eyes widen in amazement.
"But wait," says the man, "there's more." Next he pulls out a miniature piano bench and lifts its lid to reveal tiny pieces of sheet music.
The bartender then exclaims, "This is incredible!" as he gently tests the keys and discovers a perfectly tuned, functioning, five inch tall grand piano.
The stranger looks at him square in the eyes and says, "I've saved the best part for last." Once again carefully reaching into his knap sack, he removes a nine inch tall little man clad in a formal tuxedo who goes directly to the piano and begins to the play a Bach sonata!
The bartender is completely dumbfounded and asks, "WHERE on earth did you GET these?"
The stranger answers, "The other night I had to sleep on the beach. When I awoke the tide had washed in what appeared to be an Arabian lamp. So on a lark I rubbed it. And suddenly out popped a Genie! He told me he would grant me one wish!"
"And you asked for a nine inch pianist?" interrupted the bartender.
"Well, not exactly....."
JOKE #1
In a bar along the coastal highway in southern California the bartender looks up and sees a stranger enter. He's obviously a drifter.
He steps up to the bar and orders a drink, which the bartender delivers. No sooner is the glass on the bar, than the stranger empties it in one gulp and asks for another.
Well, given the fact that the bartender doesn't know the man, and because he's seen his type before, he asks the man to pay for the first drink before he'll get him a second.
The stranger replies that he doesn't have any money.
"I knew it," declares the bartender, "Hit the road!"
But the man protests saying, "I do have something of value!" Where upon he reaches into his knap sack and retrieves a perfectly formed miniature grand piano, which he places on the bar. The bartender's eyes widen in amazement.
"But wait," says the man, "there's more." Next he pulls out a miniature piano bench and lifts its lid to reveal tiny pieces of sheet music.
The bartender then exclaims, "This is incredible!" as he gently tests the keys and discovers a perfectly tuned, functioning, five inch tall grand piano.
The stranger looks at him square in the eyes and says, "I've saved the best part for last." Once again carefully reaching into his knap sack, he removes a nine inch tall little man clad in a formal tuxedo who goes directly to the piano and begins to the play a Bach sonata!
The bartender is completely dumbfounded and asks, "WHERE on earth did you GET these?"
The stranger answers, "The other night I had to sleep on the beach. When I awoke the tide had washed in what appeared to be an Arabian lamp. So on a lark I rubbed it. And suddenly out popped a Genie! He told me he would grant me one wish!"
"And you asked for a nine inch pianist?" interrupted the bartender.
"Well, not exactly....."
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