I'm a helper! So here's my plan for
helping Arizona (and possibly Tennessee and Kansas?) implement their new law
allowing businesses to deny service to people if something about them offends
the business owner's religious sensibilities. The problem is, how will you know
if someone believes or is something that offends? I mean you'd assume the only
way such a law could even hope to be constitutional is in the state's ability
to assure that the law is fairly and fully enacted, right?
So here's my idea--Girl Scouts!!! Well,
NOT girl scouts, but the thing that girl scouts have--SASHES!!! Everybody loves
sashes! Because on them you can wear pretty "badges." Badges
announcing your orientations, associations, basic moral beliefs so that everyone
who hates people they don't know will know who to hate. Brilliant, eh?
I focused my prototype on things that
generally offend Evangelical Christians, but to be fair--they'll have to wear a
badge for that, too. Everyone and every belief gets a badge eventually. Here's
the key to my first 20 suggestions.
From top to bottom and left to right:
Row one: GLBT, Jew, Muslim, Taoist
Row two: Drinker, Believes in paying a
Living Wage, Anti-Gun owner, Marijuana friendly
Row three: Democrat, Hindu, Catholic,
Listens to Hip Hop!
Row four: Atheist, Pacifist,
Environmentalist, Bicyclist (you know how they piss some people off)
Row five: Divorced (and you would wear as
many of these as times you have been divorced, for example Rush Limbaugh and
Newt Gingrich would each have 4!), Member of the 1%, Pro-Immigration,
Pro-Choice.
People entering Arizona can be assailed
by roadside stands selling them to tourists, and airport kiosks, too!
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