First Holiday Card

It arrived on Monday, December 1st, just like it has for more years than I can count. The first Holiday card of the season postmarked Arizona from Mr. Miller. His son, Kent, was among my first childhood friends forming our allegiance solidly by second grade. Kent was for me the amiable little devil who would encourage me to participate in the silly prank. He and I had a lot of fun together growing up, and whenever I went to his house to play, there was his mom Sandy. She was larger than life a quixotic firecracker who would suddenly shout out Kent's name whenever a thought crossed her mind and it somehow involved him. I always thought that she wished she was going along on our adventures, too. Sometimes there was also Mr. Miller.

Mr. Miller was a quiet man. I always thought of him as a man's man. The kind of guy that played golf and watched football, swam a mile without breaking a sweat and disdained fags. But then I must say, I had very little aside from the golf clubs and above ground pool in their backyard upon which to base my judgments.

One day just before I left for college--it was like my last visit through the neighborhood bidding friends a good bye--I stopped at the Millers and of course Sandy was hugs and tears and cheek-kisses for good luck. Mr. Miller was home and no sooner had I arrived than he got up and left the room. The chatter between myself and Mrs. Miller continued when he suddenly reappeared carrying a coat bag. I was quite baffled, and he handed it to me.

Wearing the coat, me on the right.

Inside was his U.S. Marines issued full-length winter coat. circa 1950. It had never been worn. He explained that it had been issued to him when his assignment was Iceland, and then at the last minute he was reassigned to the Philippines. He said he thought it would fit me and I should try it on. It fit like a fucking glove! He gave it to me with no other fanfare or explanation. That was in 1979.

Over the years I stayed in touch more with the Millers than with my friend, their son Kent. In the 90's Sandy was diagnosed with a degenerative nervous system disease of some sort and over the better part of 12 years suffered many treatments and died an ignoble death at its ushering. Mr. Miller stood by her side throughout those years and the Christmas after Sandy passed a Holiday card arrived on December 1st from Mr. Miller. He picked up where she left off and for the past 12 years or so his has always been the first one I receive. This past year has seen him face his own battle with cancer, and now he lives without a bladder. In his note he joked that he is a true "bag man" now. He celebrates his children, his grandchildren and even his great grandchildren and laments not being up for a round of golf. He's known that I'm gay since forever, but it doesn't matter to this man's man, a man I am proud to call my friend.